As I sat there, completely alone, on a small private beach that looked like it came out of the cover of a magazine in Boracay, Philippines, I reflected on the silence around me.
Ever since since I was young, I have always been an extroverted person who loves to be surrounded by people. I confided in my relationships, especially with serious relationships that I had with boyfriends, starting at the age of 15. I always felt like I needed to be around people 24/7 in order to survive and be happy.
The thought of being without a boyfriend, someone who cared for me, told me I was beautiful and reassured me anytime a doubt came to my mind, gave me an uneasy feeling, which led to attachment and a fear of loss.
When I first started making a bucket list years back of all the places that I wanted to go in the world, I closed my eyes and imaged this perfect scenario, where I traveled the world with the love of my life. We would travel and I would not ever have to spend a day alone; to me that was comfort and security.
I spent hours looking at pictures of dream destinations, like Bora Bora, staying in an ocean bungalow with my love by my side, hiking to the top of the mountains, scuba diving the best sites and creating this perfect love story.
In Boracay, as I stared out into the ocean after a long, peaceful mediation session, an overwhelming sense came over me.
I suddenly realized that I was at one of those beautiful places I had always dreamed of visiting, but instead of being with someone, I was in total silence, with not a person in sight.
I felt an instant surge of emotions take over me. Instead of feeling a feeling of loneliness, emptiness or sadness like I would of once had, I felt total peace, calmness and a feeling of contentment that I had never felt before.
I realized in that moment how much my priorities and life had changed. Suddenly my eyes filled with tears and a smile took over my face from ear ear to ear, as it occurred to me that I was truly creating that perfect love story.
Healthy self love is beautiful. Feeling the peace and calmness in your own still presence, without the feeling or need for another person is transforming.
When you can sit in your own presence and find forgiveness in your heart for yourself and for the way you have treated yourself over the years, with destructive words, doubts, insecurities and comparison of the people around, you give power, energy and control back into your life.
Peace can be defined in many ways, but the peace that I felt on that warm summer evening, as I sat on the ocean shore, feeling infinite love, forgiveness and peace with who I was, is something that cannot be put into words.
The love story begins with you.
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